


The Gleeful Kids

by beanpocket



Series: Gleeful Kids AU [1]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Gen, Gleeful Kids AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-24 08:25:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8365009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beanpocket/pseuds/beanpocket
Summary: New stepsiblings Gideon and Paz are sent to stay with Gideon's father, Bud Gleeful, for the summer. But finding a mysterious journal with a pair of glasses on the cover changes everything...





	1. Tourist Trapped

**Author's Note:**

> Just my little idea for a Gravity Falls Role Reversal! Not the same as Reverse Falls...I call this AU the Gleeful Kids AU. Enjoy!

 

Two children sat on a Speedy Beaver bus. The girl had her long blonde hair pulled into a ponytail and was fiddling with her phone. The white haired boy sitting next to her was trying to get her attention.

 

“Hey. Hey, Paz.”

 

Paz sighed and sunk deeper into her seat.

 

“Paz. Pazerella. Pazzernater. Paza-”

 

“What is it, Gideon? Can't you see I'm busy?”

 

Gideon smiled widely and looked at her phone. “Hm, it _looks_ like you're pretending to text friends you don't have.” Paz glared and pushed him off the seat. He let out a yelp as he fell to the bus floor.

 

“Shut up, dweeb,” Paz said as Gideon climbed back onto the seat. “Why are you even sitting next to me? We are literally the only passengers on this bus,” Paz said as she waved her hand at the empty bus.

 

Gideon clucked his tongue and smiled sweetly. “Because Paz, this is our first summer together as siblings! We are going to spend the next couple of months getting to know each other real well!”

 

Paz rolled her eyes and returned her attention to her phone. “Stepsiblings, dweeb. We are stepsiblings .”

 

Paz was looking forward to a summer of rest and relaxation. But then her father had to marry the mother of one the biggest dweebs in school, Gideon Gleeful. The second the reception was over her dad shipped them off to nowhere, Oregon to spend the summer with Gideon's dad.

 

“You're going to love Gravity Falls, Paz,” Gideon said, practically vibrating in his seat. “It's one of the most interesting places in America!”

 

“I thought you said you had never been to Gravity Falls before.”

 

Gideon frowned and ran his fingers through his curly hair. “Well, no...but my Daddy sends me brochures and postcards every year!” Gideon pulled a scrapbook (one of many) out of his backpack and plopped it onto her lap. “He owns a lovely establishment called the Mystery Shack.” Gideon pointed to a heavyset man wearing a black suit and red fez embellished with a crescent symbol. He was standing in front of a dilapidated looking a-frame building. “He says it holds all the secrets of Gravity Falls!” He wiggled his fingers for dramatic effect.

 

Paz laughed and said, “really? Because it just looks like a tacky tourist trap and he looks like a conman.”

 

“No, my Daddy is an honest man and this is a first class place. And we're going to work there all summer!”  
  


Her head snapped up. “I'm sorry, what?”

 

Gideon lifted an eyebrow. “Didn't your dad tell you? It's part of the family bonding experience!”

 

“Your father is not my family, dweeb.”  
  


“You say that now but I have a prediction.”

 

“Oh God, no.”

 

“Yes, yes...I have a prediction that at the end of the summer we will be best friends. One big, happy family! Boop!” Gideon gently placed a sticker on her nose. She sneered and peeled it off. It read “Sister From Another Mister”.

 

Paz crossed her arms and turned away. “I seriously doubt it.”

 

~

 

The bus finally rolled to a stop. Gideon immediately jumped out of his seat. “We're here! We're here!” He turned to Paz excitedly and grabbed her hand. “Come one, Paz! Let's go meet my Daddy!” Gideon yelled as he dragged Paz down the aisle.

 

“LUGGAGE, GIDEON, WE HAVE LUGGAGE.”

 

Gideon dropped Paz's hand and skipped off the bus. The bus driver chuckled as he handed her their bags. “Your little brother's an energetic one, huh?”

 

“Stepbrother,” Paz grumbled as she grabbed their bags and stalked off the bus. She got off just in time to see Gideon throw himself into a man's arms. The man staggered backward and nearly fell over. He gave a boisterous laugh and swung Gideon around.

 

“Well hi there, munchkin! You're shooting up like a weed! How old are you now? Nine?”

 

“Daddy, I'm thirteen!”

 

The man snapped his fingers and said, “that's right! You'll have to forgive me, son, my mind's not what it used to be!” He turned to Paz and fell to one knee, giving a friendly smile. “And you must be Miss Paz! Your father has told me a lot about you! My name is Bud Gleeful, also known as Mr. Mystery, but you can call me Paw, Papa, Dad, Pops-”

 

“Uh, Bud is fine.”

 

Bud's laughed jovially and said, “well then, I suppose we had better move on over to the Mystery Shack,” he said as he relieved Paz of the luggage. “I'll give you a full tour of the place!”

 

Bud began walking forward with Gideon skipping beside him. “What kind of family did dad marry into...” Paz mumbled as she followed the Gleefuls to the Mystery Shack.

 

~

  
“Behold, the Mystery Shack!” Bud posed dramatically in front of a cabin with the words “Mystery Shack” on it. The “S” in shack promptly fell off.

 

“Magical,” Gideon whispered as Paz rolled her eyes.

 

Bud led the kids to the front door and pushed them through. “And here's the gift shop! No visit to the Mystery Shack is complete without a visit to the gift shop.” A boy in a black hoodie adorned with a heart sat at the register, strumming on a guitar. He turned to the kids and gave a nod. “That dark and scary fellow is Robbie Valentino, my cashier. Don't worry, his bark is worse than his bite.” Robbie rolled his eyes and returned his attention to the guitar.

 

A woman in a green shirt on a ladder turned and gave everyone a friendly wave. Her shirt had a question mark on it. “Good morning, Mr. Gleeful and company!”

 

“Morning, Mel! Is the kids' room ready?”

 

Mel climbed down from the ladder and stretched. “Yes, sir, all in order.” She bent down and whispered, “I hope you kiddos don't mind, but I left some snickerdoodles in your room.”

 

Gideon shook Mel's hand vigorously and said, “well aren't you a little ray of sunshine! My name is Gideon Charles Gleeful and that there's my sister, Paz.”

 

“Stepsister,” Paz said with a tight smile.

 

“Melody's my jack of all trades, fixing what's broken and improving what's not!” Bud said, clapping her on the shoulder.  
  


Mel giggled and began to swing around a hammer. “Aw shucks, Mr. Gleeful. It's no-” Mel's hammer flew out of her hand and broke a nearby exhibit. “...I will fix that.”

 

“Why don't you two go run up to the attic and unpack? I'll have some fun little tasks for you to do when you come back down,” Bud said while motioning to the stairs. “Take your time but no dilly dallying! After all, time is money!”

 

~

 

“This is stupid,” Paz said while walking around the attic. “Look, there's mold on the ceiling! That can't be safe.” She picked up a cookie and began to angrily munch on it.

 

“Well I think it adds to the rustic charm,” Gideon said while hanging up a motivational cat poster. “No need to be a Pessimistic Paz, Paz!” Gideon sat on the bed and swung his legs. “My Daddy's pretty great, isn't he? He's even better than I thought he would be!”

 

Paz rolled her eyes. “You're acting like this is the first time you've ever met him.” Gideon was silent. “You have met him before, yeah?”

 

“Nope! But he calls me every year on important holidays and sends me the best presents! Like lots of blue yarn which I used to make...this!” He took a sweater vest out of his suitcase and put it on. It was blue with a five-pointed star on it. “I'm going to knit one for every day of the year.”

 

“I can't believe you actually, like, unironically wear sweater vests.”

 

“And bow ties! Don't forget the bow ties! They are the icing on the cute cake,” Gideon said while tying a navy bow tie around his neck. “I can give you some fashion tips if you'd like, Paz. Denim jackets are not back in style yet.”

 

“Ugh, whatever dweeb.” She scowled and made her way back downstairs.

 

Gideon smiled and said, “this summer is going to be one to remember, I can feel it!”

 

~

 

Gideon and Paz came stomping down the stairs and Bud turned and smiled. “There you two are! Now I need someone to hang up these promotional signs out in the woods.”

 

“Nose goes!” Robbie exclaimed. Everyone quickly put their fingers to their nose. Paz was last.

 

“Well then, little lady, looks like you're going for a hike,” Bud said and handed her a stack of flyers, nails, and a hammer.

 

“Seriously? Those woods are creepy; it feels like I'm being watched by, like...bears or something.”

 

“Oh, no need to worry about that,” Mel said, handing Paz some bug spray. “There hasn't been a bear sighting up here for months! It's the mosquitoes you have to watch out for. See?” Mel showed Paz her arm.

 

Paz raised an eyebrow. “Mel, your mosquito bites spell 'BEWARE.'”

 

Bud glanced over and said, “haha, very funny, missy. That clearly says 'BEWARB'. Now get going, I don't want to see you or those flyers for at least an hour.”

 

~

 

“This is the worst summer ever,” Paz said, looking for a signal in the woods. Zero bars and zero text messages. She nailed up a flyer. “Does anyone even _go_ into the woods? Like, what's the point?” At the next tree, she lined a nail up hit it with the hammer and heard a clanging noise.

 

“What?” She moved her hands around the tree and felt a panel. She opened it and revealed two switches. “OK, not weird at all...eeny, meeney, miney...you.” She pulled one of the switches and heard a noise behind her. She turned around and saw a hole opening in the ground. She reached into the hole and pulled out a book.

 

The book was a deep green with a pair of glasses on the cover and the number “3” in one of the lenses. She flipped through the book to reveal pictures of monsters. “What is all this?” she mumbled, flipping to the back. “'I knew it wasn't just paranoia! I'm being watched. I need to hide this book; keep it safe from _him._ Never forget: Trust no one'” Paz closed the book and held it to her chest. “Trust no one...”

 

“Howdy Pazerelli!”  
  


“Oh my god, Gideon what the hell!?” Gideon had been hanging upside down from a nearby tree branch. He jumped down and looked at the book in Paz's arm. 

 

“Ooh, what is that mysterious tome you've got there?”

 

“None of your business, dweeb,” she said, pushing past him.

 

“Alright, how about you tell me about your creepy book and I'll tell you about my date?”

 

Paz rolled her eyes as they began walking back to the shack. “I was gone like, twenty minutes, you've already got a date?”

 

“Met a handsome gentleman in the cemetery, you know how these things happen...so, this book?”

 

“I found this weird journal in a hole in the ground, someone really wanted to make sure it wouldn't be found.” They entered the shack and Paz jumped onto the armchair in the living room. Gideon sat on the skull table next to her. “It's about all this supernatural stuff that's hidden right here in Gravity Falls! Look, it just stops, like the author vanished or something,” she said, showing him the last page.

 

“Who's the author?”

 

“I don't know, the name is torn out.”

 

“Ooh, so exciting. Is this going to be our big summer project?”

 

“It's going to be mine. Apparently, yours is getting a boyfriend.”

 

“Boyfriend, girlfriend...tomato, tomato.” They heard the doorbell ring. “Now come on, I want my new boyfriend to meet my new sister!”

 

“Stepsister.”

 

“Tomato, tomato, Paz!” Gideon opened the front door and exclaimed, “why hello there, handsome!”

 

“Yikes,” Paz said under her breath. Gideon's date was a solid 10 on the creepy scale. “You've got a little...something there,” she said, pointing to her cheek.

 

“Jam, that's just...jam.” The boy said, swiping something red from his face.

 

“How charming,” Bud said from the doorway. “You simply must give me the recipe Mr...”  
  


“Uh, normal...man.”  
  


“He means Norman,” Gideon said with stars in his eyes.

 

“Want to go hold hands or...whatever?”

 

“Oh, so forward.”

 

“Now don't stay out too late you too!” Bud yelled as they ran out the door. “Ah, young love.”

 

“Bud, didn't Norman look a little...creepy to you?”

 

“Norman looked like my cashier. He seems like a perfectly nice young man.”

 

~

 

Paz retired to the attic and flipped through the journal. “There's got to be some kind of explanation...here it is! 'I met some individuals in the cemetery the other day. Due to their pale skin and bad attitudes I originally thought they were teenagers but upon further inspection soon realized they were...zombies,'” she gasped.

 

“Did I hear somebody say, zombie?” A voice said from outside the room. Mel was standing there holding a toolbox.

 

“Mel, hi. This is going to sound weird, but I think Gideon's boyfriend is a zombie.”

 

She looked over Paz's shoulder at the page about the undead. “Huh, that looks like Robbie.”

 

She slammed the journal closed and turned to face Mel. “This is serious, Gideon could be eaten or turned into a monster or whatever!”

 

“Look kiddo,” Mel said, smoothing out Gideon's bedspread. “I think it's sweet you're so protective of your brother...”

 

“Stepbrother.”

 

“But you've got to let him make his own mistakes! He'll learn from them and become a better person.” Paz rolled her eyes. “Here, have a lollipop. I have to go fix the screen door which I definitely _did not_ walk through this morning. See you around.”

 

Paz growled and angrily stuck the lollipop in her jacket pocket. Gideon ran through the door and jumped onto his bed. “Hello there, Pazarini! How are we this fine day?”

 

“Gideon, we need to talk about your weird boyfriend. I think he might be...” She dramatically opened the journal.

 

“Aw, a little gnome! How cute!”

 

“What? Oh sorry, wrong page. This! The undead!”

 

“Is that Robbie?” Gideon asked distractedly as he pulled on a new sweater vest with the words “COOL DAWG” on it.

 

“I'm serious, you dweeb, you could die!”

 

“Die of happiness?”

 

“No, of death you idiot!” Paz flipped to the back of the book and showed Gideon. “Trust no one! Remember?”

 

“You can trust me!” Gideon split a cookie in half and held one half out to Paz.

 

“He's going to eat your brain!” Paz shouted, slapping the cookie out of his hand.

 

Gideon looked at the broken cookie on the floor and scowled. “Well then, you listen and you listen good. I am going on a DATE and I am going to ENJOY myself and I'm not going to let you RUIN this for me with your dumb monster thing!” With that, Gideon slammed the bedroom door and stomped down the stairs.

 

“Well fine, be that way!” Paz kicked his bed and went to the window. “Stupid Gideon...stupid journal.” She saw Gideon and Norman standing together, laughing. “Like anything supernatural is actually going on in-” Norman's hand fell off. “...Son of a bitch.”

 

~

 

Gideon had walked into the deeper part of the woods with Norman. He was sitting on a rock, swinging his legs back and forth. “So here we are...alone...with no way to contact civilization, just like you wanted!”

 

“Yes...completely alone,” Norman said, stumbling towards Gideon.

 

Gideon smiled and nodded. “There is nothing about this that could possibly go wrong!”

 

Norman exhaled and said, “there's something I need to tell you, but you need to promise not to freak out.”  
  


“Of course honey bun, you can tell me anything!”

 

Norman unzipped his long coat to reveal five gnomes stacked on top of each other. The one on top said, “...you're freaking out.”

 

“What!? Me? No...what? Freaking out? Psh...” Gideon started laughing hysterically.

 

“Ok, so, we're gnomes! My name is Jeff, I was the head, and the rest are Carson, Steve, Jason, and...I'm sorry, I always forget your name!”

 

“Schmebulock!”

 

“Right, right, Schmebulock, Jeff said, snapping his fingers. “So, Gideon, we are currently in the market for a queen and guess who fits the bill!”

 

“Uh...”

 

The gnomes knelt and held out a ring. “Eh, eh?”

 

Gideon sighed and said, “look fellas, you're all very sweet, but I'm more of monogamous kind of guy. So I'm going to have to say no? I'm saying no.”

 

The gnomes nodded and Jeff said, “that's understandable. We'll never forget you, Gideon.” Gideon smiled. “...Because we're going to kidnap you.”

 

“What!?”

 

~

 

Back at the shack Paz ran outside and cried, “Bud! Bud!” Bud was showing some tourists an exhibit.

 

“And here we have Rock that looks like a face rock. Here's the kicker: the rock looks like a face.”

 

One tourist shouted, “does it look like a rock?”

 

Bud laughed and said, “no, it looks like a face.”

 

Another tourist asked, “is it a face?” Bud's eye began twitching.

 

“Damn it,” Paz said as she ran to the other side of the building. She saw Robbie and Mel chatting by the golf cart and ran over to them. “Robbie, Mel! I need a ride and a weapon, there are zombies!”

 

Robbie nodded and handed Paz a baseball bat. “Aim for the head, kid.”

 

Mel tossed her the golf cart keys and a fly swatter. “For the mosquitoes.”

 

“I've got to go save my stupid stepbrother now, bye!” She floored the cart and began her journey into the woods. “If I were an albino dweeb and a zombie on a date where would I go?” She heard a high pitched scream. “Probably that way.”

 

“Paz!” She heard as she entered the clearing. Gideon was tied to the ground and a bunch of gnomes were standing over him. “Help! My boyfriend was gnomes!”

 

“Gnomes?!”

 

“They are less cute and more terrifying – WATCH THE HAIR YOU FILTHY MONGREL.”

 

Paz flipped through the journal to the page on gnomes. “'Gnomes are the annoying little folks of the Gravity Falls Forest. Weaknesses are still unknown.' Uh-oh.”

 

“You will be our new queen!”

 

“I AM A BOY YOU MOUTH BREATHING FOOL!”

 

“But your skin is so soft!”

 

Paz held up the baseball bat and yelled, “hey, short stack!” She hit the gnome as hard as she could and he went flying.

 

“Jason, no!” Jeff cried. “He was the greatest mind of his generation.”

 

“Home run!” Gideon yelled. “My sister's going to kick your ass!”

 

Paz whipped a nail file out of her pocket and snapped the rope holding Gideon down. “Stepsister; get in the cart, dweeb!”

 

They both scrambled into the cart and Paz sped towards the shack. “We can slow down you know,” Gideon said. “They can't get that far on those little legs.”

 

“I don't know, you can get pretty far on your little legs.”

 

“Well, I never-” They heard a loud stomping and turned to see a giant made of gnomes. “GO GO GO!”

 

“Take the bat, cover me!” Paz yelled. Gideon immediately began batting gnomes away. “Christ, why weren't you on the baseball team?”

 

“IT'S...TOO...VIOLENT!” He said as he hit gnomes this way and that. He gasped and pointed to the gnome giant. “Look out!” A flying tree caused the kids to overturn the cart. They crawled out and ran towards the shack. “I have a plan,” Gideon whispered. “Just trust me.” Gideon turned toward the gnomes and yelled, “alright! I'll marry you.”

 

Paz smacked her forehead and shrieked, “why did I bother saving you?!”

 

“All right!” Jeff cried, clapping his hands. “Let's do this properly! Carson?”

 

“Right-o. Do you, Jeff the Gnome King, take Gideon as your Gnome Queen?”

 

“I do.”

 

“And Gideon?”

 

“Uh, yeah,” Gideon said, fiddling with something behind him.

 

“I now pronounce you King and Queen,” Carson said. “You may now kiss.”

 

“Don't mind if I do,” Jeff said, turning to Gideon. Gideon smirked and whipped out a leaf blower from behind his back. He turned it on and sucked Jeff half-way into the leaf blower. “Whoa, what?!”

 

“That's for lying to me!” Gideon increased the sucking power and said, “and that's for breaking my heart! And this is for messing with my sister!” He turned to Paz and smiled. “Want to do the honors?”

 

“I thought you'd never ask.” They aimed the leaf blower at the gnome giant and shot Jeff at them. The gnome giant exploded and the creatures scurried back into the forest. “Good job, dweeb,” Paz said, holding up her hand.

 

“Right back at you, sister,” Gideon said as they high-fixed. “Hey, you didn't correct me that time!”  
  


“Whatever, we just beat up a bunch of gnomes and I was distracted.”

 

“Oh come on...awkward sibling hug,” Gideon said, holding his arms out.

 

“No.” She rolled her eyes and began walking back to the shack.

 

“Oh, well. We have a whole summer to build up to that!”

 

~

 

They walked into the shack and were greeted by Bud. “You two have fun out there?”

 

“Oh yeah,” Paz mumbled. “So much fun...”

 

“My boyfriend was gnomes.”

 

“Oh, you kids and your imagination.” Bud chuckled before kneeling down in front of Paz. “Hey there darlin', it looks like you got a bit of sun today,” Bud said, touching her cheek. “I've got just the thing.” He slapped a baseball cap onto her head. She took it off and looked at it. It was purple with a llama on it. Paz raised her eyebrow at Bud. “What? Llamas are nature's greatest warriors, little lady!” He turned to Gideon and nodded towards the merchandise. “Why don't you get something for yourself, munchkin?”

 

Gideon started picking through the odds and ends of the gift shop. “What about this, Daddy?” Gideon held up a blue amulet.

 

“A mysterious trinket that I don't remember acquiring? I'm sure it's safe for my son!” Gideon squealed and ran up the stairs.

 

“Thanks for the hat, Bud.”

 

“It's no trouble, darlin'.” Bud waved at Paz as she followed Gideon up the stairs.

 

~

 

Gideon was sitting on his bed surrounded by craft supplies. “Paz, look! I attached the amulet to my bow tie! Pretty classy, if I do say so myself.”

 

Paz rolled her eyes and threw her jacket at his head. She sat on her bed and took out the journal and began writing. _This journal says to trust no one. But when you beat up a couple hundred gnomes with someone you can probably trust they've got your back._

 

“Paz, look! I've sewn a pocket into your jacket to put your Necronomicon in!”

 

“I thought you said denim jackets aren't in style.”

 

“Eh. You make it work.”

 

“Thanks, Gid.”

 

_...Even if they are kind of a dweeb._

 

_~_

 

Later that night Bud Gleeful peeked in on the kids. Gideon was lying upside down, a half-finished sweater vest next to him, snoring loudly. Paz had a book clutched to her chest, baseball cap pulled over her face. Bud smiled and gently closed the door. He made his way down to the gift shop. He walked to the vending machine and punched in a code. The machine slid open and Bud looked around one last time before stepping inside and closing the door behind him.

 

 

 

 


	2. The Legend of the Gobblewonker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On to Chapter 2!

Early one morning Paz and Gideon were sitting at the dining table in their pajamas, enjoying a breakfast of pancakes. Paz was flipping through the newspaper and Gideon was drawing pictures on his stack of pancakes with chocolate syrup.

 

“Hey Paz, does this look like the Secretary of Defense?” Paz looked over at the pancakes and frowned, shaking her head. Gideon sighed and swirled the syrup together, destroying the artwork. “I guess the creative juices just aren't pumping this morning.”

 

Paz ripped the comics out of the newspaper, wadded them up, and chucked them at Gideon's head. He yelped and unfolded the paper. “Oh Marmaduke,” he chuckled. “Your antics never cease to make me smile!”

 

“Hey Gid,” Paz said, showing him her newspaper. “Check this out.”

 

“Ooh!” squealed Gideon. “Human-sized hamster balls! I can run around like a li'l hamster!”

 

“No, you dweeb. This.” Paz pointed to an ad for a monster photo contest. “Did we get any pictures of those gnomes?”  
  


“Nope! Just horrible mental scars!”

 

“Good morning you two,” Bud said, walking into the kitchen. “Do you know what today is?”

 

“Uh, is it your birthday?” Paz asked.

 

“No,” Bud said, shaking his head.

 

“Is it _your_ birthday?” Paz asked, turning to Gideon.

 

“No, that was last month! I sent you an invitation, remember?”

 

“Oh, I guess it got lost in the mail or something...”

 

“Today is Family Fun Day!” Bud cried, ruffling the kids' hair. “ We are going to spend the whole day bonding together.”

 

“I don't know Bud,” Paz said, scratching her legs. “Is this going to be like the last bonding experience?”

 

“There will be no poison oak involved this time, I can promise you that! Look, I even brought the blindfolds!”

 

“This is going to be a great day,” said Gideon, slipping on a sweater vest.

 

“This is going to be a terrible day,” said Paz, slapping on her hat.

 

~

 

“Alright now, watch your step,” Bud said, carefully leading each child by the hand. “And...blindfolds off!” Bud ripped off the blindfolds to reveal a large body of water.

 

“Woah,” Gideon said. “What is this place?”

 

“Welcome to the Gravity Falls Lake, kids! Looks like the whole town's here!” Bud said, waving at the lake. He gave each of them a life vest “But you haven't seen the best part!” He gestured towards a large lump of metal floating in the water.

 

“Ew, what is that thing?” Paz said, wrinkling her nose.

 

Bud placed a hand on the side of the craft and said, “this here is a submarine! Built it myself. And look!” The side of the sub had “The Gleeful Goldfish” painted on in blocky letters. A good chunk of paint had chipped off and it no longer looked gold. Bud stooped down and put his hands on the kids' shoulders. “What would you two say to a ride?”

 

Gideon knocked his fist on the side of the submarine and a deep banging resounded from inside. He ran away from the sub and hid behind Paz. “Is it safe?” she asked.

 

“Of course it is! I would never do anything to endanger you, kids,” Bud said, squeezing Paz's shoulder. “And before I forget, I made you a little something.” Bud pulled out two boating hats and placed them on the kids' heads. They were embroidered with “Giddy” and “Pazzy”. “It's just going to be you, me, and these hats underwater for ten hours!”

 

“Ten hours!?” The kids said.

 

“Not to worry,” Bud pulled something out of his pocket. “I brought the joke book!”

 

“The what-” Paz started to ask before Gideon pulled her aside.

 

“We have to get out of this,” Gideon hissed.

 

“Why? I though you were totally gung-ho about this whole bonding thing.”

 

“I was, but everything just changed. He brought... _the joke book_.”

 

“And that's bad because?”

 

“You don't understand,” Gideon said, shaking her by the shoulders. “Every single phone call with Daddy ended with the joke book. Puns, horrible puns. _I can't go through it again._ ”

 

“Alright, alright,” Paz said, removing Gideon's hands from her shoulders. “I'm sure there's some way out of this.”

 

“I'VE SEEN IT!” A booming voice said. “I'VE SEEN IT AGAIN!” An older man stumbled onto the dock, his eyes dazed and his hair wild. He wore a patched trench coat and a red sweater that had the words “4 Days Since Last Memory Lapse” stitched on it. His arms were full of paper that the breeze was blowing into the lake. He didn't seem to notice. “The Gravity Falls Gobblewonker! Come quick, before it gets away!” He began flapping his hands at the crowd.

 

“Aw, he's doing jazz hands,” Gideon said.

 

The man adjusted his cracked glasses and snapped his head to Paz and Gideon. “Outsiders,” he mumbled, pulling out a flashlight. He shone the light into Paz's eyes. She yelped and slapped his hand away. Bud stepped in front of Gideon and Paz, glaring at the man.

 

“Just what do you think you are doing, Mr. Pines?”

 

“Not mister...doctor? Professor? I can't...I can't remember...” He said, clutching his head.

 

“Hey Doctor Professor Pines,” Gideon said. “Why do you have six fingers?” The man blushed and hid his hands behind his back.

 

“Best to stay away from this man, kids.” A man said, taking out a police badge. “My name is Sheriff Powers and this is Deputy Trigger. This man is no doctor.”

 

The deputy laughed and said, “that's just Old Man Sixer; craziest person in Gravity Falls!”

 

“I don't understand your laughter, but I agree with your ridicule.” Sheriff Powers said, nodding.

 

“I'm not crazy,” Old Man Sixer shouted. “Look there's proof!” He pointed to a wrecked boat. He began scooping his notes out of the water, which were more mulch than paper at this point. “The monster makes its home beneath Scuttlebutt Island. You need to evacuate the lake immediately!”

 

“Alright, alright, break it up, people!” A gruff voice said. A row boat pulled up to the dock and a man with an eye patch wearing a Hawaiian shirt jumped out. He tied his boat to the dock and turned to the crowd. “Nothing to see here.”

 

“Stan Pines,” said Sheriff Powers. “You're supposed to keep your crazy brother under control.”

 

Stan laughed and threw an arm over his brother's shoulders. “I try, but this guy is as slippery as a fish!” He started to lead the other man away while shouting over his shoulder, “don't forget to stop by Pines Used Cars! Car possums are half price this summer!”

 

“Stanley, we can't go, all these people are in danger!”

 

“Yeah, yeah, come on Stanford...it's time for your nap. Scared the crap out of me when you jumped out of the boat like that...” The two old men walked away, bickering.

 

“Well, there is certainly a story there!” said Gideon.

 

“Did you hear what he said? There's a monster under Scuttlebutt Island!” Paz pulled the ad out of her jacket pocket. “We can get a picture of the Gobblewonker and win notoriety!”

 

“Don't forget the $1000 cash prize!”  
  


Paz waved her hand dismissively and said, “you can have the money, I just want the fame.”

 

Gideon gasped and said, “I can get TWO hamster balls!”

 

Paz spun around and pointed at Bud. “Bud! Get ready to steer that hunk of junk to Scuttlebutt Island! We're going to find that Gobblewonker!”

 

“Yeah!” Gideon said. “Monster hunt! Monster hunt!” He started to cheer. Suddenly the water began to bubble and something rose to the surface. “Ooh, another submarine!”

 

This sub was in much better condition than Bud's. The craft had “Melody of the Sea” painted on the side in swooping cursive. The hatch opened and Mel popped out. “Hey, kiddos!” She jumped to the dock and held her arms open.

 

“Mel!” Gideon shouted. He flung his arms around her waist and hugged her tight. She giggled and spun him around. “Is this yours?”

 

“Sure is! Now, did my ears deceive me or did I hear something about a monster hunt?”

 

Paz nodded and showed her the ad. “Cash prize and glory! Can we use your submarine to search the Island?”

 

“I don’t see why not!”

 

“Now wait just a minute,” Bud said. “You _can_ spend the day searching the lake for a horrifying sea monster, or you can spend the day with good ol' Bud!”

 

The kids looked at Mel. She had folded the ad into a paper crane and was balancing it on top of her head. They looked back at Bud. He was smiling widely and gesturing to his submarine which had smoke coming out of the hatch. They looked at Scuttlebutt Island in the distance, thick with fog. They looked at each other and nodded.

 

“So, who do you choose?” Bud asked. He looked over to see Paz and Gideon laughing, jumped into the hatch of Mel's submarine. Mel shrugged at Bud, a guilty expression on her face. Bud shook his head and said, “oh, just make sure they don't get into too much trouble.” Mel shot him a thumbs up and climbed down the hatch, closing it after her.

 

“I don't need the kids,” Bud said, scoffing. “I can have my own adventures! Just me and this book of jokes.” He opened up to a random page and grimaced. “That is definitely not politically correct...”

 

~

 

In Mel's submarine, she was flipping some switches while the kids watched. The switchboard was lit up with all sorts of buttons and knobs with a window looking out into the water above. Gideon's attention was drawn to a large red button. “What's that one do, Mel?”

 

“Oh, that's the torpedo launcher!”

 

Paz slapped Gideon's hand away. “Why the heck do you have a torpedo launcher?!”

 

“Eh, they were in the blueprints, seemed weird to leave them out!” She turned a final knob and nodded her head. “Alright, we are now on auto-pilot! Anybody's ears popping yet?” Gideon raised his hand. Paz rolled her eyes and raised hers as well. “Okay, both of you plug and nose and blow!”

 

They both followed her instructions and gasped. “Neat trick,” Gideon said, laughing. He wandered around the submarine, oohing and ahhing over everything.

 

“How long have you been a submariner?” Gideon asked.

 

“Bud gave me a spin in his a couple weeks after he hired me. That was...gosh must have been about ten years ago now! He helped me build this the next summer.”

 

Paz picked up a manual and began to flip through it. “So, Mel, how does someone get submarine blueprints with torpedoes?”

 

“Oh, they were Bud's! Yeah, he was really hesitant to give them to me at first, but I wore him down! He had those old blueprints for decades, used them to build his submarine!”

 

“Then why does his look like shit compared to yours?”

 

“ Language, Paz,” Mel said, shaking a finger at Paz. “He built that thing thirty years ago! I told him once he should take that thing apart and build a new one and he got really emotional. He's really protective of it! Men and their hobbies, right?” Mel said, laughing.

 

“Oh, I hear you, girlfriend,” Paz said, chuckling. “Now, let's prepare for monster hunting,” she said, taking out the journal. “Think. What's the number one problem supernatural hunters encounter?”

 

“It's a hoax?” Gideon asked.

 

“No, you dweeb! Camera trouble! Mel, can you be the Loch Ness Monster?” Mel nodded and took out a flashlight. She made a sea monster shadow puppet on the wall. “Uh oh, a monster!” She exaggeratedly pointed at the shadow puppet. “Where's a camera when you need one?” She took one out of her jacket and said, “here's one! Oh, wait! No film. See where I'm going with this?”

 

Mel nodded and Gideon said, “probably!”

 

“And that's why I came prepared! I brought seventeen cameras! Two in my socks, four in my jacket, two in Mel's pockets, three in Gideon's hair, two in his sweater vest, three extras in this bag, and one...under my hat! Everyone, test your cameras.”

 

Mel took out a camera and aimed it at Gideon. He struck a dramatic pose. She took a step forward and tripped, the camera flying out of her hand. It smashed on the floor a few feet away. “Oh, butterfingers.”

 

“That's okay. We still have sixteen cameras.” One of the cameras became tangled in Gideon's hair. With a furious cry, he ripped it out and threw it onto the ground, crushing it with his foot.

 

“Okay, no need to panic, we still have fifteen...” Paz said, hand to her forehead.

 

“Hey Mel, can we shoot all these cameras out of the torpedo launcher?!”

 

“I don't see why not!”

 

“No! You guys... look, Gideon you'll be lookout,” Paz said, planting Gideon in front of the periscope. “Mel, you're the captain, I'll be the navigator.” She pulled out a map of Gravity Falls and clicked a pen. “We need to find the most direct route to Scuttlebutt Island.”

 

“Hm...yes, definitely...” Gideon said. He traced out a route on the map and said, “look! I made a picture of my li'l ol' face!”

 

Mel and Paz both began laughing. “You dweeb!” Paz said, slapping Gideon on the shoulder.

 

~

 

Meanwhile, Bud was in his submarine fiddling with a radio, headphones on. He heard the laughter coming from Mel's sub. He growled and ripped the headphones off.

 

“Who needs them! Who needs a family...” He picked up a framed photo from the switchboard. It was a picture of the kids from their parents' wedding. Gideon was in a blue suit smiling widely with his arm around Paz's shoulders. Paz was sneering at him, clearly uncomfortable in an overly ruffled pink dress. Bud frowned and flipped the picture over.

 

“Just me and myself. Just Bud against the world. Like always...”

 

~

 

In Mel's sub, Gideon was looking through the periscope. “Boop boop boop...aw, look, someone's proposing! Do you think they'll need a ring bearer?”

 

“Focus, dweeb!” Paz said, throwing a pen at Gideon's head. “You're supposed to be on lookout!”

 

“I am! I am a lookout master, Pazerelli! Ooh, look at all the pretty fish!” Gideon said, pointing out the window. There was a grinding noise coming from the bottom of the sub. “We're here!”

 

Mel switched off the auto-pilot and began to steer the sub. “Alright, kiddos, keep your eyes peeled!”

 

“What are we looking for at Scuttlebutt Island, Mel?” Gideon asked. “ _Scuttling butts_?” He asked, winking and nudging her.

 

“Oh, Gideon, you little rascal!” Mel giggled. Paz glared at them.

 

“What's the matter, Paz? No sense of humor? Ooh, are you scared?” He asked, poking her.

 

“Of course, not!” A loud growling sound came from inside the sub. “Oh my gosh, what was that!?”

 

“That's just my tummy!” Gideon said. He rubbed his stomach. “Someone's hungry!”

 

“I brought lunch!” Mel said, holding up a picnic basket. She laid out a blanket on the floor. “Anybody want bean salad?”

 

“No! No time for bean salad!” Paz said waving her arms. “Monster hunt, remember?!”

 

Suddenly a large shadow moved across the window of the sub. “What was that?” Gideon cried. They all ran to the window.

 

“YES, A MONSTER!” Paz said, jumping up and down. She took the cameras out of her socks and threw them to Gideon and Paz. She took the one from her hat and looked out the window. “Where is it? Where did it go?”

 

“Hold on,” Mel said, steering the sub. “What's that?” There was a shape at the bottom of the lake. It had a large body and a long neck.

 

“Cameras out!” Paz cried. “Alright, aim and shoot!” They all began taking pictures and cheering. However, as the sub came closer the light revealed the shape to be a wrecked ship. “Oh, what?”

 

“Well, I mean, we did follow the advice of an insane person...” Gideon said, twiddling his thumbs.

 

“Man, we, like, totally ditched Bud over nothing,” Paz said, sitting down.

 

Mel suddenly gasped and pointed at the window. A large creature swam out from behind the ship. She pulled Gideon behind her. “Paz, honey, get away from the window.”

 

“Yes! I knew it!” Paz laughed and started taking pictures. “Come on guys, where's your sense of adventure!” The creature appeared right in front of the window and opened large, yellow eyes. “oh my gosh...” Paz stepped back from the window towards the others.

 

The creature shrieked and Mel pulled a lever on the switchboard. “Brace yourselves!” The submarine shot forward.

 

Gideon began gathering up all the cameras and shoving them into the torpedo launcher. “Gideon, quit it!” Paz yelled.

 

“DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, WOMAN! Mel, push the button!”

 

Mel slammed her fist onto the button and the cameras shot towards the creature. It avoided them just it time. “No!” Paz cried. “The evidence!”

 

“If it makes you feel better I saved the one I took selfies with!” Gideon said.

 

“No, that make me feel better, dweeb!”

 

“Paz, I need my navigator!” Mel said, panicked.

 

“Okay, okay, uh...” Paz looked at the map then pulled out her journal. “Go between those two rocks! There might be an underwater cave!”

 

“Might be?!” Gideon cried, holding onto Paz's sleeve.

 

Mel drove the sub through the opening. The creature appeared in front of them. They all screamed as the sub drove headfirst into the monster. However, as soon as it made impact the creature broke apart to reveal...

 

“It's all just fish!” Gideon said.

 

“What the hell?” Paz said, scratching her head.

 

The sub surfaced in the cave and they all climbed out. They saw a man fidgeting with a large gadget. “Let's see, it's just...ten degrees south...”

 

“Old Man Sixer?!” They all shouted.

 

“What? What are you doing here in my secret lair?!” He shouted. The cave was full of blinking machines and post it notes. Sketches of the Gobblewonker and various other monsters were on the walls.

 

“Why do you have a secret lair?” Paz asked. “And what's that thing?” She pushed a button on the object in his hands and several fish jumped out of the water. They formed a pyramid and began screeching.

 

Gideon clapped and said, “ooh, it's like a fish circus!”

 

“That's what the Gobblewonker was? Mind-controlled fish? Why?!”

 

Old Man Sixer sighed and dropped to the ground, hugging his legs. “I just wanted to be taken seriously for once. Everyone in town thinks I'm crazy because I talk about the supernatural.”

 

“Hey, everybody at school thinks Paz is crazy because she always talks about vampires and demons and stuff!”

 

“Shut _up_ , dweeb!” Paz hissed, punching Gideon in the arm.

 

“Even my family doesn't believe me...” He covered an eye and said in a gruff voice, “'there's nothing “supernatural” going on in Gravity Falls!' They always want me to stay inside and... _nap_...like I'm some sort of child! Meanwhile, they're gallivanting around town. Do you have any idea what it's like for your family to just leave you?”

 

Paz and Gideon took out the hats Bud had made for them and exchanged a look. “Oh!” Mel said, slapping her forehead. “We're the lake monsters!”

 

“Have you ever told your family how you feel?” Gideon asked Old Man Sixer.

 

“No, I just built a device to control fish!” He pulled down a projection screen and started cycling through old pictures. “I've been doing this for thirty years! Like the time the waitress at the diner told me the Moth Man wasn't real so I parasailed off a cliff dressed as a giant moth! Or the time my great-niece said she didn't believe in Beard Cubs so I released dozens of animatronic mustaches upon the town! Or...” the projector showed a picture of a hawk with tentacles. “Ugh, we do _not_ talk about that one.”

 

Paz took out her last camera and sighed. “So much for monster hunting.”

 

“I have one left, too,” Gideon said.

 

“What do you want to with them?” Paz asked.

 

~

 

Bud sat in his sub, flipping through an old book. His radio crackled to life and a voice said, “Mr. Gleeful? This is Mel to Mr. Gleeful, come in, over.”

 

“Mel?” Bud said, grabbing the radio. “Are the kids okay? Over.”

 

“Hi, Daddy!” Gideon's voice came through the radio. “We just saw a fish circus!”

 

“You have to say 'over' after you talk, dweeb.”

 

“Oh! We just saw a fish circus, over! What are you reading?”

 

Bud looked out the window and saw Mel's sub, looking worse for wear. “Hey, Mr. Gleeful, over.”

 

“Mel, what in Sam Hill happened to your submarine? Over.”

 

“Old Man Sixer, over.”

 

“Word to the wise, stay away from ALL the Pines, they are trouble! Over.”

 

“Hey, so Bud...” Paz said rubbing her neck. “We have this picnic basket full of food for four, but there are three of us. Maybe we could, like...join you? Uh, over.” Paz and Gideon took out their boating hats and smiled at Bud through the window.

 

“Of course there's room! The more the merrier,” Bud said, wiping at his eyes.

 

Both subs surfaced and everyone climbed into Bud's. The sub was full of pictures of the lake and a bookshelf held multiple annotated copies of Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea.

 

“Wow, you sure have a lot if those,” Paz said, looking at the bookshelf.

 

“It's my favorite book! I buy a new copy whenever I see it. I probably have just about every edition out there. In fact...” Bud picked up the book he was reading and handed it to Paz. “This is the book that started it all! My best friend gave it to me when I was about your age. I want you to have it.”

 

“You're sure?”

 

“Or course! You know, you remind me of me when I was a kid. You little adventurer, you!” He gently pulled on Paz's ponytail. She swatted his hand away and rolled her eyes, smiling. “And speaking of books...” He pulled out the joke book. Gideon groaned. “Anyone want to load this into the torpedo launcher?”

 

Gideon squealed and snatched it from his hands. He stuffed it into the launcher and gave a thumbs up to Bud. Bud shot it out and as it disintegrated in the water Gideon screamed, “DIE, DIE!” He turned to the others and gave a wide smile. He waved a camera around and asked, “now who wants to take Family Fun Day pictures?”

 

The rest of the day was spent with the family picnicking and taking pictures together. Bud was juggling peanut butter cookies, occasionally taking a bite out of one, while Mel was taking pictures, laughing. Paz was leaning against the bookshelf and munching on a sandwich. Something bumped into the sub and knocked Paz to the ground. “Anyone else feel that?”

 

“Sibling selfie!” Gideon yelled and pulled Paz to his side. “Make a silly face!”

 

Paz laughed and pulled her eyes wide. “Stepsibling selfie, dweeb!”

 

No one saw the real Gobblewonker swim past the submarine to rest beneath Scuttlebutt Island.

 

~

 

Later that night Gideon sat on his bed knitting while Paz flipped through her new book. She started to laugh and Gideon asked, “what's so funny?”

 

“Look what someone wrote in Bud's book, Gid. 'To my best bud, Buddy. Love, Dr. Crackpot'.”

 

Gideon blew a raspberry and said, “Dr. Crackpot? What kind of a name is that?”

 

“I know, right!”

 

Both of them were in fits of giggles for the rest of the night. Neither noticed the small drawing near the message of two stick figures. One was wearing a fez and one was wearing a large pair of glasses.

 

~

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
